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ALCOHOLISM RECOVERY PROCESS: COMMON THEMES IN ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT

admin — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 13:44:59 +0000

Early in the recovery process, many alcoholics have a tendency to become quite upset over very small matters. They look well, feel well, and sound well—but they really aren’t quite there yet. This can be very trying for both counselor and client and the family, too. Remembering and reminding them of how sick they have recently been makes this less threatening. The steps after any major illness seem slow and tedious. There are occasional setbacks; yet eventually all is well. It works that way with alcoholism, too. It is simply harder to accept because there are no bandages to remove, scars to point to, or clear signs of healing to check on. It cannot be emphasized enough that it takes time.
During this early phase of treatment, one point often overlooked is the alcoholic’s inability to function on a simple daily basis. It is almost inconceivable to therapists (or anyone else for that matter) that a person who seems reasonably intelligent, looks fairly healthy after detoxification, and is over 21 can have problems with when to get up in the morning or what to do when he is up! Along with family, work, and social deterioration caused by the alcoholic life-style, the simple things have gotten messed up, too. Alcoholics may have gargled, brushed their teeth, and chewed mints continually while drinking in an effort to cover up. They may, on the other hand, have skipped most mealtimes and eaten only sporadically with no thought to their nutritional needs. They may have thrown up with some regularity. Also, as we have seen in Chapter 5, their sleep is not likely to be normal. Getting dressed without trying to choke down some booze to quell the shakes may be a novel experience. It may have been years since the person has performed the standard daily tasks in a totally drug-free state.
Alcoholics are rather like Rip Van Winkles during the early weeks of their recovery. Everything they do is likely to feel strange. The face looking back at them from the mirror may even seem like a stranger’s. They became used to the blurred perceptions they had experienced while drinking. It is terribly disconcerting to find virtually every task one faces a whole new thing. Whereas it used to take 2 very careful days to prepare Thanksgiving dinner, it now requires only a few hours. The accompanying wine for the cook, trips back to the store for forgotten items (and by the way, a little more booze), the self-pity over having to do it, the naps necessary to combat the fatigue of the ordeal, the incredible energy devoted to controlling the drinking enough to get everything done—all these steps are eliminated.
The newly sober alcoholic is continually being faced with the novelty of time—either time left over, or the experience of not enough time, or near panic over what to do next. Many clients will need help in setting up schedules. After years of getting by on the bottle, they have to regain a sense of the “real” time it takes to accomplish some tasks. He may plan to paint the entire house in 2 days or, conversely, decide that he can’t possibly fit a dentist appointment, a luncheon engagement, and a sales call into one. She may believe that it is all she can manage to stop by the bank on the way to work, and pick up a loaf of bread and the dry cleaning on the way home. Tomorrow she intends to make new living room drapes in time for that evening’s dinner party! The perception of time is as distorted as other areas of perception. Reassurance that this is a common state of affairs, along with assistance in setting realistic daily goals, is greatly needed. This is one reason newcomers to AA find the slogans “Keep it simple” and “First things first” so helpful.
The alcoholic may not mention the dilemmas over time and schedules to you. There may be a sense of shame over such helplessness in the face of simple things. However, a gentle question from you may open the floodgates. This provides the opportunity to help bring order out of chaos. You can offer the alcoholic some much-needed guidance in remastering the details of daily living. All too often the wail is heard, “I don’t know! The house was a mess…. The kids were a mess…. I was a mess…. I just couldn’t handle it, so I drank!”
Another area in which the counselor has to reorient the alcoholic to reality involves the misperception of events. The faulty memories caused by the drugged state will have to be reexamined. One cannot always wait for some sudden insight to clear things up. For example, he is talking to you about difficulties he has had with his wife. He remembers her as a nagging bitch on his back about a “few little drinks.” You might remind him that on the occasion in question, he was picked up for driving while intoxicated with a blood alcohol content of 0.20— clearly not a few. Then go on to point out that because he has misperceived the amount he was drinking to such an extent, he may have misperceived his wife’s behavior. The opportunity is there, if indicated, to educate the client briefly on the distortions produced by the drug, alcohol, and to suggest that sober observations of his wife’s behavior are more valid. You might instead suggest a couple’s meeting, but keep clearly in front the issue of the alcohol use.
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STRESS AND MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN: EXPECTATIONS OF MARRIAGE PARTNERS

admin — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 13:41:37 +0000

Let us look at what each person takes into a marriage. A man takes into a marriage all his expectations about his wife, how she will behave towards him, the things that might disappoint her, the things he will have to do or not do, to express his love for her. He has derived this expectation of his wife’s behaviour and from the behaviour of his mother towards him. Likewise, a woman carries with her, expectations of how a man should act, what she might rightfully anticipate of how men behave in love relationships; she has derived most of these expectations from the experience of being loved by her father.
Both of them will have learned how to behave towards each other in a relationship by observing the way their respective parents related to each other.
We know that the unconscious mind does not differentiate between images of the father, the husband, and the eldest son. They all seem to be filed away in a big box, in the unconscious mind, labeled ‘significant male’. Likewise the husband’s unconscious mind lumps together his mother, his wife, and perhaps his eldest daughter, in one box labeled ‘significant female’.
For this reason, many couples find themselves accusing each other of things that each of them in fact doesn’t do. ‘You’re always complaining!’ accuses the husband (whose mother was always complaining). ‘When have I complained?’ answers his wife. ‘I can’t remember just now, but I know you’re always doing it!’ he answers. Really, it was his mother who was always complaining, and his unconscious mind has identified his wife with his mother.
Distortions such as these are commonplace, the cause of a great deal of mystifying confusion during discussions between spouses about their problems in relating to each other. Sometimes they become aware that they have been accusing each other of behaviour which is in reality the behaviour of a parent, and which this son or daughter didn’t like. Now the husband or wife behaves in a way that perhaps resembles slightly the unacceptable behaviour of that parent, and the result is that this person is accused of the behaviour which is in fact the behaviour of the parent, long ago.

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DREAM AND PHILOSOPHY: AM I DREAMING?

admin — Fri, 08 May 2009 09:31:44 +0000

This supernatural experience can sometimes be very real during dreaming and it may not be easy to tell what is real and what is a dream. My daughter Melinda told me about a dream she once had. We had been playing billiards the night before and she lost. That night she dreamt that she was pushing the billiard ball with her teeth and tried to get it into the side pocket of the billiard table. She tried so hard that her front tooth became loose. She touched her gum and there was blood on her hand and the tooth fell out. She was not frightened as somehow she knew she was in a dream. She made a conscious effort to wake up, as she thought if she could wake up and look in the mirror she would see that her tooth was still there. Still asleep, she dreamt that she woke up, and pinched herself just to make sure. She felt relieved and looked in the mirror. To her horror the tooth was still missing. The rest of the dream was vague and hazy. When she was telling me this dream, she still touched her teeth to make sure the dream was really over. Dreams can be so real, that pinching yourself and feeling the pain does not imply that you are not still in the dream. Sometimes I wonder if there is anything you can do to tell for sure whether you are actually in the dream or the real world.

Throughout the ages, philosophers have marvelled at the reality of dreams. A sleep researcher, G. W. Leibniz, talked about a dream consciousness lasting the life of a man. In other words, we are two people, going side by side, one in the dream state and the other in the waking state. The Nobel Prize winner, Bertrand Russell, went one step further, and stated that real life was actually the dream and waking life a persistent nightmare.

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THE SELF-MANAGEMENT OF ANXIETY: SOME DO NOT EXPECT TOO MUCH TOO QUICKLY

admin — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 10:22:06 +0000

It is probable that you have had your tension or anxiety symptoms for some time. Do not expect them to disappear overnight following your first trial of relaxing mental exercises. You probably think it strange that I should give such a warning. But it is necessary. Experience has shown that many people tend to give up very easily. When I have personally been showing patients how to do it, and if they falter and show signs of giving up without a fair trial, I have been able to encourage them to keep going; and the vast majority have been well rewarded for doing so. But with you it is different. I can only be with you in spirit. Do not expect too much too quickly. It does not come all at once, neither the relief of your symptoms nor even the mastering of the techniques of mental relaxation.

In this respect it is well to remember that very dramatic changes in one’s mental state, either for the better or for the worse, are in themselves evidence of instability. Be content with a slow and steady improvement.

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